Linc's Arrival, Part 2

Well, one month later, I've finally found the time and energy to update my blog. I've almost started a hundred times, but then it's time to change a diaper, play pat-a-cake, go for a walk because it's not raining, snuggle on the couch because it is raining, or make a bottle. And I wouldn't have it any other way! (Fun fact - this is my third attempt at this blog in two days. Currently, Linc is catnapping, so I'm listening to a little Shaggy and trying to pound out a few paragraphs).

Let's see, where did I leave off in my last blog? Oh yes - JBB and I were picking up the contents of my suitcase that we spilled all over the hospital parking lot. After collecting all of my clothes and toiletries (99% of which I never even took out of my suitcase) we made our way into the hospital and took the elevator to the 3rd floor. For some reason, we were extremely worried about the check-in process...would we go to the right place? Would I have to fill out a ton of paperwork again? Would they know we were coming? Turns out, our worry was for nothing. We got off on the labor and delivery floor, picked up the phone, and we were escorted to our "triage" room in about a minute flat.

From there, most of the day was a blur. They did a test to make sure my water had broken - it most definitely had, as I am apparently one of the few women whose water gushes like you see in the movies. No trickle for me. Go big or go home, said my uterus! (Talking uteruses. You never know what you'll find here). After we knew that we were in it for the long haul and wouldn't be sent home, we called our parents to let them know. My mom and dad were at the hospital by 10:00 am (yay to mom for pre-packing a bag!), followed shortly by JBB's dad, his sister, my brother, sister-in-law, their 3 kids, and my brother-in-law and baby. You might be wondering...where were JBB's mom and my sister? Well, as luck would have it, it was Spring Break. My water broke at the exact time my sister was stepping on a plane for the Bahamas, and JBB's mom was in Florida. Linc surprised everyone by being two weeks early! As you might imagine, these two weren't real happy to miss the big day. I think I spent the first 3 hours of labor texting my sister; I finally had to hang it up (literally) when things started kicking into high gear.

The first 4 hours or so were pretty anti-climatic. I got my epidural, which was nowhere near as scary as I'd built it up in my head to be. Our parents came in to chat; mom brought me the latest magazines; JBB and I rented a movie that we half-watched while I tried to sleep; I played Words with Friends, texted my friends, and tried to rest somehow. I finally gave up on that idea; as much as the nurses told me to sleep, I was too keyed up to even pretend to rest. (Speaking of nurses - the staff at the St. Vincent Carmel hospital was AMAZING. Every one of them. I hold a special place in my heart for Mamie, who was our main nurse when we checked in and during most of my hard labor. When she went off duty I started crying as if you'd told me someone ran over my puppy. I hugged Mamie with all I had as she was leaving, and made her promise to come back tomorrow to meet the baby. And she did, bless her heart).

So, as I said, we were admitted at 7:00 am; fast forward to 4:50 pm, and I was fully dilated - go time! Up until this point, I was in minimal pain. I was 4.5 cm dilated when I got to the hospital and hadn't felt a thing. Silly me thought this was how the whole labor would go. I was wrong. My contractions decided to come in the form of back labor, which was damned near unbearable. Between vomiting repeatedly from the pain, turning my epidural up to fight the back spasms, turning it down because I was too numb to push, to screaming, "I can't do this anymore," JBB and I were in for a wild ride for the next 3 hours and 20 minutes. Our poor family was pacing in the waiting room, my nieces and nephews were chanting "We want Cookie!", my sister-in-law was lurking by the nurses's station to hear any news, and my poor sister and mother-in-law were trying to stay up-to-date from vacation. Finally, at 8:10 pm, our beautiful, perfect, exquisite baby boy entered the world to one tired, overjoyed mama and ecstatic daddy. The feeling was truly unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life. It almost seems wrong to try and put into words what JBB and I were feeling; I'll never be able to express the rush of emotions - sheer joy, fear, and fierce, fierce love. 

JBB and I's life changed forever at 8:10 pm on March 23rd, 2013. Immediately before Linc was born, the doctor asked, "Last chance - boy or girl?", and I shouted, "It's a BOY!" Call it a mother's intuition at the 11th hour - about 1 second after my shout, JBB cried/yelled "A baby boy!!", and I heard the strangest sound - a wail, snort, laugh all rolled into one. And then I realized it was me making that noise.  I was overcome with the sense that suddenly, simultaneously, the world had become infinitely more beautiful, yet more terrifying at the same time. I never, ever want our Lincoln to know heartache, or fear, or sadness. Realistically, I know he will, but JBB and I will be doing our best to counter that by giving him joy, and lightness, and a happy place to call home. We will do anything for him; after all, he is us, and we are him, and that is mind boggling.

Our boy, fresh out of the oven.

JBB giving Linc his first bath.

Love at first sight.

7 weeks in, and I think JBB and I have the hang of this thing called parenthood. We've learned a few lessons along the way. Such as, don't feed your baby a full bottle and then strap him in the Bjorn for some shopping unless you want to have baby spit up pool inside your bra and down the front of your shirt. (I learned that; JBB doesn't wear a bra when he shops. Ha ha). We've learned to not change a poopy diaper at the first sniff of poop, as inevitably there's more to come. Best to let him simmer for awhile. Family and friends, already important to us, became even more so after Linc's arrival. The support and love we've received from our parents, siblings, friends, and co-workers is truly humbling. From my parents, sister and sister-in-law coming down every day for the first week that JBB went back to work because I was scared to be alone, to JBB's parents coming up each weekend so we had time to run to the grocery, to Emily and Zach babysitting on a Sunday so we could see a movie, to JBB's co-worker giving us two trash bags worth of clothes, to our friends Jen, Katie, Jill, and Russ and Kelli sending us dinner, we have been amazingly spoiled. My brother showed up one night in the early weeks with a full blown barbecue complete with fruit salad, hot dogs, my favorite orange pop, and 3 of the cutest kids you've ever seen, who were on the best behavior. We won't forget how amazing everyone has been, and we can't wait to pay it forward. 

One lesson I'm still trying to learn, and will probably always be learning, is to not worry so much. I worry,is he eating enough, or is he eating too much? Am I stimulating him enough, or should I give him some quiet time to just relax? Does he know how much I love him? These mommy worries are constantly running through my head, but I'm working as hard as I can to kick them out and just enjoy Linc exactly as he is, which is perfect, at this moment. We've started taking an afternoon nap on the couch, with him curled up like a bean on my chest, snuggled under a cozy blanket. In these moments, while I listen to his heavy breathing and feel his sweet baby breath on my cheek, my worries and feelings of inadequacy disappear, and the only thought running through my head is love. Love for Linc, and for this life that I've somehow stumbled my way into.

Bringing home our baby boy...