Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween. Love everything about it. A holiday whose main purpose is to dress goofily and get candy - what's not to love?

Well, since you asked...women's Halloween costumes, apparently. I have been on a two week quest to find a Halloween outfit that is cute, a little racy, and original. This costume doesn't exist. It is more elusive than Osama Bin Laden. (Hey, maybe I could put McCain on the case. Sorry, I digress.)

Back to my point...I spent a lot of time searching for a Halloween Costume on Target.com. As you may or may not know, this is my favorite store, so I figured they must have great costumes. I was wrong. For the first time in my life, Target failed me. I ordered what I thought was a very cute, saucy "Glamour" witch costume. I picked this costume b/c it appeared to fully cover the models naughty bits. HA. Let's just say if I wore this in public I'd be in the slammer for indecent exposure in no time. I'd also like to find the size 12-14 person who can fit in this costume.

Onward - I continued my quest by going to multiple Halloween stores around the city. (Side note...I think it's so weird how these and fireworks stores pop up for a month and they're just gone. Like a mirage.) I didn't do any better at these stores. Literally, even the "big girls" costumes barely covered my butt checks. They were gaping everywhere else and then short enough to get a good view of my undies if I so much as sneezed. I mean, if I even bent over to scratch my knee I'd be mooning all of Broad Ripple. I want to know who looks good in these costumes??? Over the age of 21 anyway. Coming from someone who won't even wear shorts in the summer, I was downright horrified.

Not wanting to go the complete other way and be Patty Prude, I took matters into my own hands, and came up with what I think is a very cute, butt-covering, 28 year old appropriate outfit. I'm quite proud of it. I will be going as the owner of "Lambert's Construction...I like to bang things" complete with company wife beater, tool belt, hard hat, work gloves, and, best of all...jeans! Sweet blessed jeans which cover all the things that are best left covered. (Oh yeah, and I got a kick ass wig at the Halloween store. Fits most sized heads. I was worried it wouldn't fit this Lambert noggin...)

All right, I've said my piece. Happy Halloween...eat lots of candy.... If you see a slutty construction worker wondering around Broad Ripple with her hard hat askew, stop and say hi. :-)

Target, I love you

First of all...shout out to my 5 FOLLOWERS!!!! Holler!! I had to look up what it meant that I had followers, and I must say, I'm flattered. :-)

So, I spent Monday night at one of my favorite places in the world. Red. Circular. That's right, Target!! As I was browsing the aisles, I become overwhelmed with my love of Target, and "I've been moved to blog." (For those Tiptonites, see if you can figure out the joke in the quotations.)

Po's Top 5 Reasons I love Target More than I love my own mom *(HA, not really!! Whew.)


5. They open up a new line if there's more than 3 people in a line. How great is that? (I know this b/c Emily used to manage the front half of Target. She gave me lots of inside scoop.)

4. It ain't no Wal-Mart. Translation - it's clean, the aisles are wide enough to navigate, and there isn't a line 30 deep at 2:00 am.

3. Archer Farms. For those of you non Target junkies, Archer Farms is their brand of food. And it is GOOD. I really recommend their granola bars. Captain Oats (or whoever that guy is who wears the hat and is always showing up at kids soccer games in the commercials) has got nothing on them!

2. Food Avenue....I have actually eaten dinner at Target by choice. Seriously, the food is actually good. I daresay the popcorn is the best in the world. And the slurpees!! Orange Fanta slurpees people!!! And the personal pan pizzas. And...

1. Izaach Mizrahi!!!!!! Cheap, cute clothes, shoes, sunglasses and purses. I heart Izaach.

28...that's closer to 30 than 25...huh.

So, after two blogs, I about forgot I had one, but then I remembered, so here I am! First, props to my brother for letting me know that "blog" is short for "web-log". That's why he's the doctor of the family; he knows things like that. :-)

Well, I'm officially 28. Staring down the barrel of 30 and all that. I've got to say, 28 is a bit of an anti-climatic birthday. A bit like 17. I always thought that was a snoozer of a birthday. 16 is exciting for obvious reasons--license and car, oh my!! And 18, I mean, you can smoke, vote, and rent porno. (Granted, I've only done one out of the 3 of those. I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out which.)

But, 28...what happens then? WELL, I'm glad you asked, b/c I'm about to do my "28th Top Ten"

10. Supporting role in my NINTH wedding. Tight spanx, ill-fitting dress, too high heels, and a hell of a cold all adds up to one really uncomfortable day.

9. Getting to hang with the IU crowd...Dan has a baby! Kristin and Scott live in Chicago! A lot happens in 5 years, but it felt like no time passed at all!

8. AIR POPPER!!!!!! After years of pining, I finally have my airpopper I've always wanted, courtesy of Liz! Gracias.

7. Buttery Nipples at Moe and Jonny with my buddies. Boy how I miss hanging out with everyone! (I'd also like to add, Pizza Express breadstix and the rehashing of the same stories over and over. Good times.)

6. Weiners. Sauerkraut. Fried potatoes. Enough said.

5. The Lord Nelson. Grampie finished my boat, and I took it home, and boy do I love it!!

4. Harry & Izzy's with Tim!! So fun...but I keep calling at Harriet & Izzy's for some reason. Was that the name of an old tv show? (BTW, they have the BEST BROWNIE EVER).

3. Voicemails of people singing on my phone who really have STELLAR voices. Or not.

2. The hilarious escapade to Turkey Run for an "office mental health day". All we needed was Michael Scott to make it complete. This deserves a post all of its own.

1. Henry calling to wish me Happy Birthday while watching cartoons. And, Maggie pooped in her diidy at the same time, in my honor. Thanks Daggle!

MOUSE UPDATE: Was home sick Thursday. One mouse sighting. The exterminator dosed a liberal amount of poison, so it should kill those suckers. If not, I'm buying an Uzi.

Mice-a-Roni

For those of you who don't know (which probably isn't many) ...I'VE BEEN ATTACKED BY MICE. You heard me, a platoon of mice have set up camp in my apartment.

Now, I'm not normally the type of girl who shrieks and jumps on furniture when she sees mice. I caught one before Mexico, and thought that was the end of it. Left 4 traps up, and didn't catch (or see) another one for a good three weeks.

Well. That all changed Saturday morning. I was laying in bed, having my idea of a perfect Saturday--reading US Weekly and watching E! News Weekend. (Before you judge, I read Newsweek and watch the news. Sometimes. Not often. Oh, fine, only when I'm at the dentist.) Anyway, as I'm lazing about, I realized, "Hmm. I feel something in my hair. That's weird." So, I reached up to see what exactly was going on. Bad idea. As I reached up to pat my head...I LAUNCHED A MOUSE OUT OF MY HAIR AND ACROSS MY BED. Yup, you heard me. I'll give you a moment to recover. So, after I screamed at the top of my lungs, I grabbed my magazine and pillow, and set up shop on the couch in my family room. After my heart rate returned from outer space, I began reading People and watching The Soup. Ahhh. Balance was once again restored to my word. For about 5 seconds.

Looking up, I saw a mouse scurry around my recycling. I sat up and stomped into the kitchen, and glared at the little SOB. He retreated. I returned to the couch, picked up my magazine, and saw one of his brothers dart under the refrigerator. BAST***. (I don't know if you can cuss on blogs. Use your imagination.) By now, my heart is about to explode, I'm shaking, and I've called Tim twice to update him on the mice situation. His theory--they had returned from a night of partying at Moe and Jonny's and were too drunk to realize they'd come out of hiding. Thank you Tim, very helpful. Well, not 30 seconds later, once taunts me by dancing around my trash can. (Authors note: My apartment is very clean. I'm a compulsive dust buster. So don't think I'm dirty.)

At this point, I've begun to feel like I'm in a bad horror movie, so I surrender. Packing up a bag, I head to Krissi's where I hid out for the rest of the day. Plotting my attack all the while. I returned Sunday morning, and set out 10 STICKY TRAPS! HA! THIS IS WAR. I'm pleased to announce mom and I caught one. (You can imagine the shrieks that ensued as we threw him out.)

I have no qualms about killing these little rodents. I will bomb them, shoot them, spear them or grind them into mince meat pie. I just want them gone. If anyone has any mouse hunting tips, please share. Until then, it's on. Like donkey kong.

What do you write about on a blog?

...and what in the heck does blog stand for, anyway? It's got to be an acronym for something. If anyone knows, do tell.

Anyway, I've decided to give blogging a whirl. I like to write, and I like to talk about myself, so it seems like a win-win. :-)

So, from reading other people's blogs, it seems a lot of people kick these off with "Things to know about me". So, here goes: 5 things you should know about me. Seems a bit narcissistic, but, whatever, you can quit reading at any point. I won't know the difference. You, however, will not get to know the number one most interesting thing about me!!! Ya' hooked?

5. I HATE waking up in the morning. Like, truly hate it. And before you send me Prozac, it's not that I'm depressed and can't face another day; it's more like I love my bed so dearly that the thought of being ripped out of my cozy cocoon about does me in. My last roommate said she actually felt sorry for me in the mornings I seemed so sad. So, if you see me in the morning, it's not you. It's me. Truly.

4. I have a minor obsession with pop culture magazines. I subscribe to US Weekly, People, and Entertainment Weekly. And, I must admit, I always end up buying Life & Style, In Touch, OK, and Star. Why? I don't know. They all say the exact same thing. Need to know the latest on Lil Lo and SamRo? (Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson for those of you not in the know) I'm your gal!

3. Heard of the expression always the bridesmaid never the bride? It may have been written with me in mind. Next weekend, I serve as a bridesmaid for the EIGHTH TIME. This has taught me a lot of things--how to make a bouquet out of ribbons, how to write a witty yet moving speech, how to do the electric slide (still can't master the danged cha cha slide) and how to bend your knees every so slightly, as to not pass out at the altar.

2. I, like Michael Scott (Steve Carrell from the Office) find it absolutely hilarious to insert "That's what she said" into the conversation whenever even remotely funny. Not only do I find it hilarious every time, I expect the people around me to find it just as funny. Example: Tuesday night I was hanging up a new shower rod (the tension kind) and said to my friend, "Do I just screw it until it won't screw anymore?" to which I immediately followed up with a " That's what she said." Admit it, it's funny.

1. I hate to run. With a passion. Yet I have signed up for the mini for the second time. I'm all the way up to a whopping 2 miles at a time. I'm a Lambert, and we're not exactly built for speed, as many of you may know. Wish me luck. Last time I darned near collapsed. They do, however, give you lots of free food at the end.

Well, that's it. My first blog. I'm glad we got to know each other. How do people ever know you have a blog, I wonder? I feel kind of silly sending an email to people asking them to read my innermost thoughts... Hmm...