Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween. Love everything about it. A holiday whose main purpose is to dress goofily and get candy - what's not to love?

Well, since you asked...women's Halloween costumes, apparently. I have been on a two week quest to find a Halloween outfit that is cute, a little racy, and original. This costume doesn't exist. It is more elusive than Osama Bin Laden. (Hey, maybe I could put McCain on the case. Sorry, I digress.)

Back to my point...I spent a lot of time searching for a Halloween Costume on Target.com. As you may or may not know, this is my favorite store, so I figured they must have great costumes. I was wrong. For the first time in my life, Target failed me. I ordered what I thought was a very cute, saucy "Glamour" witch costume. I picked this costume b/c it appeared to fully cover the models naughty bits. HA. Let's just say if I wore this in public I'd be in the slammer for indecent exposure in no time. I'd also like to find the size 12-14 person who can fit in this costume.

Onward - I continued my quest by going to multiple Halloween stores around the city. (Side note...I think it's so weird how these and fireworks stores pop up for a month and they're just gone. Like a mirage.) I didn't do any better at these stores. Literally, even the "big girls" costumes barely covered my butt checks. They were gaping everywhere else and then short enough to get a good view of my undies if I so much as sneezed. I mean, if I even bent over to scratch my knee I'd be mooning all of Broad Ripple. I want to know who looks good in these costumes??? Over the age of 21 anyway. Coming from someone who won't even wear shorts in the summer, I was downright horrified.

Not wanting to go the complete other way and be Patty Prude, I took matters into my own hands, and came up with what I think is a very cute, butt-covering, 28 year old appropriate outfit. I'm quite proud of it. I will be going as the owner of "Lambert's Construction...I like to bang things" complete with company wife beater, tool belt, hard hat, work gloves, and, best of all...jeans! Sweet blessed jeans which cover all the things that are best left covered. (Oh yeah, and I got a kick ass wig at the Halloween store. Fits most sized heads. I was worried it wouldn't fit this Lambert noggin...)

All right, I've said my piece. Happy Halloween...eat lots of candy.... If you see a slutty construction worker wondering around Broad Ripple with her hard hat askew, stop and say hi. :-)