A few weekends ago, I went to Tipton and had lunch and visited with my grandpa for well over an hour. It was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I was purposely asking him questions geared towards getting him to retell the stories I've heard a thousand times. Partly because I love hearing them, but mainly because it makes me so happy when his eyes crinkle up with laughter at a memory from 60 years ago. As I was listening to the story of his Uncle Will's slap-dash accounting system at the furniture store, punctuated with lots of "by hairs!" (Uncle Will's version of OMG), I got to thinking - my family uses a LOT of expressions that I've never heard spoken by anyone outside of my gene pool. I'm sure all families do this - I just happen to be familiar with the Lambert/Foster language. I've decided to make a reference sheet so that the next time I bring a guest home to Tipton he or she won't feel like they've ventured into a foreign land. So, I present to you "The Lambert/Foster Family Dictionary".
1.) Ya-Hootie: the little invisible person who takes the blame for something that no one else in the family wants to claim. Used in a sentence, "Ew, who farted?" Silence, followed up by, "Must have been Ya-Hootie." I'm pretty sure Ya-Hootie is behind my missing Christmas decorations. Lord knows I didn't lose them.
2.) Moose Pie: an expression used to shut someone up who is continually griping about dinner, or the way you arranged the furniture, or any number of other things. Originates from a story about an all-male camping trip, and a rule that the next person who complains about dinner has to cook the next meal. Finally, after days of making every meal, the cook makes a "Moose Pie" (moose-shit.) Biting in to it, his fellow campers start to complain, only to quickly wisen up and exclaim, "Moose pie! My favorite." I get secret satisfaction out of saying moose pie to people who have no idea what I'm talking about it. Got to love a little passive aggressivism.
3.) Horse of a Different Color!: Something I heard my grandparents say so many times it's snuck into my vernacular. Used to exclaim surprise at something (someone!) that is weird or different. Often spoken in hushed tones. "Well, he's always been a horse of a different color...". Perhaps the red neck version of the Southerner's favorite, "Bless her heart..."
4.) That's a Fine How Do You Do: interchangeable with "that's a kick in the pants." Example: "Lindsay woke up Saturday morning at her parent's only to find out her dad had backed into her car the night before. She muttered under her breath, well that's a fine how do you do."
5.) By Hair!: A catch-all phrase to express exasperation, astonishment, anger, surprise...the antiquated WTF or OMG. Try it, you'll think it's fun to say!
6.) What do you want, eggs in your beer?: In other words, quit being so damned needy. Used frequently by my mom. One of my favorites.
7.) Get the Banana Out!: Used when you've had to repeat something more than twice. Comes from the popular Lambert question, "Do you have a banana in your ear??" Usually said with indignation to my dad as he sits amidst chaos and does his crossword, ignoring all attempts at communication. Where the origin of the banana in the ear scenario comes from, I can only imagine.
8.) Don't Take Any Wooden Nickels!: A much more fun way of saying good-bye, this is a sentimental favorite. Every time I left my grandparent's house, my grandpa would say, "Don't take any wooden nickels!", usually followed up with "Come back when you can stay longer" or "see you in the funny papers."
9.) Well I'll be dipped...: An expression of bewilderment or surprise. I once asked my mom what exactly she was dipped in. She thought about it for a few seconds, and offered up this: shit?.
10.) Fart in a skillet: a person who is decidedly agitated and can't sit still. Example: "Nate was acting like a fart in a skillet today at the restaurant." A favorite of my grandmas.
11.) EEE-AH-KEY: A different version of "yoohoo...", usually said in a sing-song voice - it's a hello and a way to announce one's presence. Because we wouldn't just want to say "hello". What fun would that be?
What am I missing Lamberts and Fosters? And what about the rest of you? Any family sayings that make you scratch your head?
1.) Ya-Hootie: the little invisible person who takes the blame for something that no one else in the family wants to claim. Used in a sentence, "Ew, who farted?" Silence, followed up by, "Must have been Ya-Hootie." I'm pretty sure Ya-Hootie is behind my missing Christmas decorations. Lord knows I didn't lose them.
2.) Moose Pie: an expression used to shut someone up who is continually griping about dinner, or the way you arranged the furniture, or any number of other things. Originates from a story about an all-male camping trip, and a rule that the next person who complains about dinner has to cook the next meal. Finally, after days of making every meal, the cook makes a "Moose Pie" (moose-shit.) Biting in to it, his fellow campers start to complain, only to quickly wisen up and exclaim, "Moose pie! My favorite." I get secret satisfaction out of saying moose pie to people who have no idea what I'm talking about it. Got to love a little passive aggressivism.
3.) Horse of a Different Color!: Something I heard my grandparents say so many times it's snuck into my vernacular. Used to exclaim surprise at something (someone!) that is weird or different. Often spoken in hushed tones. "Well, he's always been a horse of a different color...". Perhaps the red neck version of the Southerner's favorite, "Bless her heart..."
4.) That's a Fine How Do You Do: interchangeable with "that's a kick in the pants." Example: "Lindsay woke up Saturday morning at her parent's only to find out her dad had backed into her car the night before. She muttered under her breath, well that's a fine how do you do."
5.) By Hair!: A catch-all phrase to express exasperation, astonishment, anger, surprise...the antiquated WTF or OMG. Try it, you'll think it's fun to say!
6.) What do you want, eggs in your beer?: In other words, quit being so damned needy. Used frequently by my mom. One of my favorites.
7.) Get the Banana Out!: Used when you've had to repeat something more than twice. Comes from the popular Lambert question, "Do you have a banana in your ear??" Usually said with indignation to my dad as he sits amidst chaos and does his crossword, ignoring all attempts at communication. Where the origin of the banana in the ear scenario comes from, I can only imagine.
8.) Don't Take Any Wooden Nickels!: A much more fun way of saying good-bye, this is a sentimental favorite. Every time I left my grandparent's house, my grandpa would say, "Don't take any wooden nickels!", usually followed up with "Come back when you can stay longer" or "see you in the funny papers."
9.) Well I'll be dipped...: An expression of bewilderment or surprise. I once asked my mom what exactly she was dipped in. She thought about it for a few seconds, and offered up this: shit?.
10.) Fart in a skillet: a person who is decidedly agitated and can't sit still. Example: "Nate was acting like a fart in a skillet today at the restaurant." A favorite of my grandmas.
11.) EEE-AH-KEY: A different version of "yoohoo...", usually said in a sing-song voice - it's a hello and a way to announce one's presence. Because we wouldn't just want to say "hello". What fun would that be?
What am I missing Lamberts and Fosters? And what about the rest of you? Any family sayings that make you scratch your head?
2 comments:
Love it!
I can't think of anything right this minute because I am still laughing!! That is hilarious!
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