Happy Holidays with a heavy heart....

This blog is written with a heavy heart as I, like everyone else, try to understand the violence that occurred in Connecticut on Friday. It is simply incomprehensible; as an expectant mother, an aunt to four beautiful little kids, the sister, daughter, and daughter-in-law of 4 educators,  and simply a fellow human being, my heart breaks every time I think about what happened, hear about it on the news, or see a picture of one of the people who lost their lives so senselessly. I don't know what the answer is to prevent another tragedy like this; I certainly think stricter gun control is called for, as is more understanding, discussion, and treatment of mental illness. I pray hard that our country never experiences another event like this, and my child never has to be scared to go to school, the movie theater, or the mall. If I could keep her safe inside of me forever, I happily would.

The sweetest face in my world.

As JBB and I talked this weekend and tried to understand what happened, there were a couple of things that stood out to us. Life is short, and sometimes damned unfair. We don't ever, ever want to regret not saying, "I love you," or look back and think, "I wish I'd have spent more time with my family, or told my friends what they mean to me." We were both raised in families who aren't afraid to say "I love you," and to say it often. My brother, sister, and I are 36, 34, and 32 years old, and I don't think a phone call or face to face meeting has ever occurred between any of the three of us that didn't end with an "I love you." My brother's two older kids, who are 5 and 7, demand a hug and a kiss every time we part, and I happily oblige, smothering them with kisses. JBB and I hope to instill that openness and affection in Cookie - tell the people you love you love them. Don't assume they know it, or are sick of hearing it. Even if you're frustrated with them, or ready to hang up the phone, or your mind is somewhere else. Tell them.

We also talked a lot this weekend about not living in fear and always looking over our shoulders waiting for the next tragedy to occur. That is my instinct as a worrier. I want to draw the shades, lock the doors, and live in a safe bubble in my house. But as JBB reminds me, that is not living. And that would not be fair to our children. We'll be smart, not put ourselves in dangerous situations, and we'll exercise caution, and I'll probably hover too much, but we'll live our lives. We'll still go on vacations, take our kids to the movies, and teach our kids about all of the good that happens in this world. We'll show them through our example how great it feels to help others, and we'll hope they'll carry that spirit through into adult hood.



So nice to see the smiling faces of
family and friend's holiday cards in the mailbox each day.

With that mindset, we continued with our plans for what was supposed to be a very festive, holiday-filled weekend. Friday night I hosted our 4th Annual Girls Holiday party, where myself and nine friends ate too much food and listened to holiday music as we wrapped presents for the girls in need who we "adopted" this season. Everyone was a bit subdued, but after being inundated with such sadness all day it felt really, really good to be actively participating in something good - injecting some positive karma back into the universe, no matter how small. These two little girls, age 7 and 9, will have a heck of a good time unwrapping Christmas presents next Tuesday morning as they open new pink and purple polka dot bedspreads, glittery tops, girly DVDs, new art kits, their own Target gift cards, and a whole arsenal of lip gloss, nail polish, and sparkly picture frames. All topped with pink and purple bows picked out especially for them. My friends have hearts as big as Texas, and I love them.

Cookie and I exchanging gifts with Grampy.
How awesome is that bow?

Saturday, JBB and I made the 25 minute drive to Tipton where we exchanged Christmas presents with my grandpa. For those of you who have never met my grandpa, picture the sweetest man in the world. Then double that sweetness. Now you have an idea of what my grampy is like. Exchanging gifts with him was enough to make my heart happy for the rest of the afternoon. How lucky I am to still not only have my grandpa in my life, but to have him only a 25 minute drive away. And I'm so lucky to have a husband with the patience of a saint who loves to make the trip with me. Family is everything to me, and these visits with my grandpa remind me of that. He and my grandma were married for 69 years, and the love between them was fierce and unflappable. JBB and I should be so lucky.

Sunday was spent with Cookie's "Auntie Jen" who was in town from Chicago - we made a smorgasbord of Christmas cookies, ate too much Pizza Express (we just can't make the switch and call it Hot Box Pizza) and just caught up. I was again reminded of how important it is to make the effort to stay in touch with friends. The older you get the harder it is - jobs get busier, husbands, kids, and life starts to take up more and more time, and it's easy to put off that phone call and say you'll reach out next week. I'm going to redouble my efforts to keep in touch with my friends. They're in my life for a reason, and I don't want to lose them.


Jen and I hard at work icing our masterpieces.

Some updates on Cookie: we had a doctor's appointment last week and it went great! We had a second ultrasound, as Cookie didn't cooperate last time and they weren't able to get a clear shot of all four chambers of the heart. This time they were able to see and capture that image, as well as tell us that Cookie weighs 1 pounds and 10 ounces - 75th percentile! It appears our little shug has long legs and a big belly. Just like her mama, minus the long legs part. :) I'm still feeling great - starting to experience heartburn and moving a little slower, but no complaints! I'm in my 24th week, which means I'm starting my 6th month, which just doesn't seem possible.

I'll end my rambling; I hope this blog didn't sound preachy or sanctimonious. That is not my intent. Happy holidays to everyone; whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or nothing at all this season - tell the people you love you love them; call your college roommate you've been meaning to catch up with for the last 6 months; listen to your grandparent's stories of when they were young, regardless of how many times you've heard them; buy the donuts for the car in line behind you at Dunkin' Donuts. While nothing can ever, ever make up for the weekend's events, maybe we could all do something good to help a stranger, a family member or a friend, in memory of the lives lost.